https://youtu.be/Rtd5lY2T5ms

📝 Summary

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In this message, Pastor Paul Durbin walks us through Jesus’s clear, practical steps for Christlike conflict resolution—and lovingly dismantles our excuses for avoiding tough conversations. Whether you’re the one who caused harm or the one who’s hurting, Scripture calls us to be the peacemakers. Pulling from Matthew 5 and Matthew 18, Paul outlines Jesus’ four-step process and contrasts it with how the world typically handles conflict (hint: we tend to do it backwards). Through humor, wisdom, and even a personal story about someone who went from critic to biggest supporter, this message is a timely call to courage, reconciliation, and living differently in a culture that cancels far too quickly.

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📌 Tips

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• For the greatest impact, invite a few others to go through this study guide with you.
• You don’t need to do every section and question—use what fits your group or season.
• Let the Spirit highlight where to slow down and engage. </aside>

🧊 Icebreaker

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• If you had a giant “conflict-resolution emergency button” on your desk, what would happen when you pressed it? </aside>

📖 Bible Passage(s)

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Matthew 5:21–26 (NIV)

“You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, ‘You shall not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment.’ But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment...

Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift. Settle matters quickly with your adversary...”

Matthew 18:15–17 (NIV)

“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along... If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church..."

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🔎 Observation

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1. What stands out to you in the passage(s)? Is there anything new for you to believe or obey?
2. What do we learn from Matthew 5 about who bears responsibility for resolving conflict?
3. What progression does Jesus outline in Matthew 18 for handling conflict?
4. What does Jesus’ teaching imply about the urgency and priority of reconciliation? </aside>

👋 Application

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1. Think of a recent or current conflict—how have you handled it so far?
   • We often skip straight to cutting off people (Jesus' “step four”). This question helps us reflect on what step we’re actually in.
2. Why do you think Jesus calls both the offender and the offended to take initiative in reconciliation?
   • We naturally wait for the “other person” to fix it. But Jesus puts the onus on us.
3. What makes step one (a private, honest, respectful conversation) feel so hard?
   • Fear, pride, and awkwardness often stop us from even making the appointment.
4. Have you ever been part of a group that made a conflict worse by taking sides without knowing the full story? What happened?
   • Gossip can feel like comfort but ultimately just escalates pain.
5. How might confirmation bias be showing up in the way you're seeing (or judging) someone?
   • We all tend to read the situation in ways that reinforce our narrative—even if it’s not the whole truth.
6. In a culture that often cuts people off, what does it look like to pursue Christlike candor and compassion?
   • This is what makes followers of Jesus stand out—we don’t cancel, we reconcile.
7. Who do you need to reach out to this week to settle something that’s unresolved?
   • It starts with courage and a humble conversation. Don't wait for them to go first. </aside>

🏔️ Live “On Belay”

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• Make the appointment. Prayerfully reach out to someone with whom you're in conflict. Ask to talk—just the two of you.
• Before reacting this week, pause and ask: “Am I about to follow Jesus’ way or the world’s way?”
• Help a friend avoid gossip by lovingly redirecting the conversation toward resolution.
• Whenever possible, listen with curiosity rather than judgment—especially when conflict enters.
• Practice resolving household or workplace tension in the way of Matthew 18—start small, start private, and start kind. </aside>

🙏 Prayer

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• Jesus, help me be brave enough to go first in peacemaking.
• Lord, show me where I’ve walked in worldly conflict and call me into your way.
• God, soften my heart where it’s been hardened by anger, fear, or past offense.
• Help me pursue truth and love in my relationships—not just being “right.”
• Spirit, give me wisdom and presence as I reach out to someone I'm at odds with. </aside>

🎶 Worship

https://youtu.be/3oXhqnlNhj0?si=qDGN0731Ep5rOJET